My sister’s call interrupted dinner. Marina sounded upset, the kind of upset that means she has already tried to solve the problem herself and failed.
San, I need your help. Seriously. Log into my dating profile and look at what’s going on. I can’t even tell which men are normal anymore and which ones are… you know.
My sister is forty-four, divorced for three years, raising a teenage daughter, and working as a chief accountant at a trading company. She is independent, smart, funny, and not someone who falls apart easily. Six months earlier, she had joined a popular dating platform because she wanted something real. Now she was asking me to help her make sense of the messages.
What happened?
I asked.
What happened is that these messages are driving me insane. Some men get inappropriate in the first line. Others invite me to their place “to see their stamp collection.” Some ask about my bra size. Is there such a thing as a normal man, or am I just missing them?
I laughed, but I agreed to help. The next day, she sent me her login details and wrote, Reply however you think is best. I need to understand whether I’m being too picky.
The first hour: realizing the scale of the problem
That evening, I logged into Marina’s profile. There were forty-three unread messages. Forty-three in two days while she had barely been online. I opened the first one.
Hey красавица, want to have some fun tonight?
The second:
You look so tempting in your photos, it makes me want to get to know you better…
The third:
Hello. I’m Oleg, 49, looking for a woman to start a family with. Preferably no children, slim, under 40, and willing to move to my area.
For the record, Marina is forty-four. She has a daughter. Both facts are clearly listed on her profile. Oleg, apparently, had not read a single word of it.
I kept scrolling. Fourth, fifth, sixth—same pattern. Either crude opening lines, strange requests, or one-word messages like hi
with nothing else attached.
Out of forty-three messages, only eight looked remotely acceptable. I archived the rest without hesitation.
Category one: men looking for a free evening
The first man I replied to was Viktor, 51, an engineer. His photo looked respectable: shirt, glasses, serious expression. His profile said, I’m looking for a life partner to travel with and spend warm evenings with.
Writing as Marina, I answered politely: Hello, nice to meet you. Tell me a little about yourself.
He replied five minutes later with a long message about his job, his interest in astronomy, and his love of theater. At first, it all sounded perfectly normal. We chatted for about forty minutes, and then he suggested meeting in person.
Marina, let’s meet tomorrow evening. There’s a lovely café on Tverskaya. To be honest, I’m a bit short on money right now, but if you don’t mind paying for yourself, I’d be happy to see you.
I asked him, And what about the “warm evenings” and “travel” from your profile?
There was a pause. Then the reply came back as if it had been waiting all along: Well, I’m the kind of man who likes company. A woman should appreciate the chance to spend time with someone like me.
By then, one thing was already obvious: many of these men were not interested in a real connection. They wanted comfort, attention, and convenience, but not responsibility, effort, or honesty.
What I learned from reading her messages
- Some men do not read profiles at all.
- Some hide their real intentions behind polished photos and vague promises.
- Some treat women’s time as something free and endlessly available.
- And some are simply rude from the first second, as if basic respect were optional.
As I kept replying, I understood why Marina felt exhausted. It was not just that the messages were bad. It was the constant need to filter, guess, reject, and protect her own energy. Dating apps can look simple from the outside, but for many women they become a daily test of patience.
Marina had not become too demanding. She had simply become more careful.
By the end of the evening, we both agreed on one thing: wanting decency, attention, and honesty is not “being picky.” It is the bare minimum. And when that minimum is so hard to find, the problem is not with the women reading the messages.
Summary: After going through my sister’s dating profile, I realized how often women are forced to sort through disrespect, laziness, and hidden agendas just to find a decent conversation. In the end, asking for basic respect is not too much to ask at all.